Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
