Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
