Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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