I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
