Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
