It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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