i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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