I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
