Apparently you make a good broom.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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