1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
