What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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