He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
