Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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