she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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