just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm at about main and main street
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
