I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I supernannyed him into submission
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
