Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
