After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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