I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
