Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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