Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
