Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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