I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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