Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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