you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
