I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
