let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
