So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just invented taco cereal.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
