I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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