I am in a vortex of obligation.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm just crazy horny about you
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
