life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
