he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
