omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize