Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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