her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
