No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
