from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
