What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Sober January is a disaster.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
