I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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