So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
