i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
