my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
