I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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