I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
