Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hippo gnu deer
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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