Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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