My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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