I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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