and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
