I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
smell my finger.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
