Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
time to smoke my breakfast
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
