I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
