Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
