I am spending my child support on dildos
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
