I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
