She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
