Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think I am morally bankrupt
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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