the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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