I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
