Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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