Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We have started to decorate penises.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
