I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize