We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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