i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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