so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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