I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
