your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
