normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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