So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
