What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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