My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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