I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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