The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
