one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
