we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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