Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
