Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
