The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
