Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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