there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
