I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
