is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
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