My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize