man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
