I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
