I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
