thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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