Your tits are I can't wait for
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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