but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
