so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
