I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
