my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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