I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
