You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
