just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
