i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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