Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We had to coat check the pizza.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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