So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
