he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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