it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
