My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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