oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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