I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
