and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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