she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Let's paint friendship bongs
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize