Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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