I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize